Are you looking for ‘marriage counseling in des moines and surrounding areas‘? You’ve found the right place, with the right marriage counselors at Real Connections Counseling! We’ll help you navigate dark places, and help you make your lives better. You can achieve real connections!
Marriage Counseling: THE GIFT
“We seem so broken.” “We never do anything together.” “We don’t hardly make love anymore!” “How can I trust you after what you did?”
Your relationship might seem bleak, and torn. But marriage counseling can be the best long-term gift you have ever given each other. And we’re not exaggerating because some situations, such as infidelity can’t often be mended without help. Some problems take a long time to heal. We know these situations hurt and marriage counseling can heal and solve your painful problems. We know you are confused, and heartbroken. But here’s our promise, marriage counseling works, and can relieve your profound stress. You can heal. Your life can be so much better and stronger together! You both can make that happen together! As you continue marriage counseling, you’ll learn many different ways you can practice
togetherness, and how you can build trust. You can have a best friend that just pours into you.
“I don’t even know the meaning of intimacy.” “We don’t seem to be great friends.”
Marriage counseling is about the birth of intimacy. To say that one is able to fall in love, learn about creative dates, understand how to be together are all facets of a good relationship, and a good marriage. But a good marriage is the practice of intimacy. What is intimacy? Couples all over offer excellent guesses about intimacy. “Passionate sex,” say some, and “To have a good relationship all around,” say others. These couples are pretty close…
How does Marriage Counseling work?
Marriage counseling helps a couple make their lives better together than before. We look at communication patterns, relationship history, & a host of other factors that can be used to help you. We guide you toward becoming functional adults, and intimate partners. And we work with your story.
Sometimes we have you look at a conflict as if you were looking over a field with binoculars at a couple grappled in conflict. As you consider the field and the conflict, you begin to learn parts you play as you grapple. And you learn the influences and powers you used so that you can practice using your strong points to benefit, and not hurt your spouse. We teach you about being each other’s hero, play
mate, confidant, partner, and lover. We talk about choices, and we guide you to find ways to be interested in each other’s uniqueness. Lastly, through marriage counseling, you’ll discover a way to live “together lives” instead of parallel lives.
Your Marriage Story
Your marriage counselors will guide you and be your allies. But you are the expert of your story, and we become part of your story for a time. How do you want your story to end? How can you be the heroes in your story instead of the fall guys? The hero(ine) actively seeks his or her best self on any given day, and that will save your relationship’s life. Heroes seek courage in the midst of pitfalls, and they seek Hope. And heroes seek generosity, goodness, graciousness, gentleness, and hope from themselves and others. Lastly, heroes seek love. You can write heroism into your marriage story, and win the battle together.
Your marriage counselors are partners in a way. They’re partners because they become part of your story, the story that says that “we can” instead of, “we can’t” or, “we won’t.” Your therapists are experts in their field, yes. But they become catalysts in your “We can” story on a path you will always tread. We teach you how to move boulders that are in your way, and how to recognize imposters. We are glad we get to be part of your story.
How effective is Marriage Counseling?
Your success is up to you. Many, even most of you, said during your wedding vows, “For better, and for worse,” and “Till death we part.” You learn that success means taking account of how you will be together in your mutual “for better,” and how you will be together in your “for worse.” Your marriage counselors, Rick & Monique Elgersma, have been through some of the best anyone could imagine, and some of the worst. But they discovered the fruit of their relationship that helped theme never let go, even when their storms of life raged. Marriage counseling made them better, and it can make you better.
Marriage Is About INTIMACY
Intimacy isn’t what you “do.” You can have passionate sex, and you can have a good relationship all around. But good sex, and even a good relationship, cannot alone keep the both of you held together when marriage is rocking your “for worse.” Let us repeat…intimacy isn’t what you do. A passionate marriage isn’t only “having” a good time in the sack, or “having” a good date. Intimacy is how you have passionate sex, and how you become each other’s partners in the bedroom. An intimate marriage is about how you act together at your home, and everywhere else. Intimacy is how you become and be playmates, and why you work and play.
How can Marriage Counseling Save Marriages?
Your lives, and your stories, they matter. Every relationship is different, and completely unique to you. We’re about enhancing your unique relationship, and about helping you make your lives better. Marriage counseling can be tough, and it can be fun. Know one thing…this is something you’ll learn the first day we shake hands: You are not the problem. The problem is the problem.
You have issues, but these issues are not your core identity. You see, your problems are imposters and create havoc when you’ve lost the memory of who you are, and who you can be together with your spouse. Intimacy is an outpouring of who you are, from you and your spouse. Problems arise from the chaos. We help you understand chaos, and then fight it. To do this, we help you reframe, and rewrite, your story. Your stories matter, don’t they? We know they do.
Marriage is an Activity
Monique is Rick’s forever bride. She is the cornerstone of how he has viewed their marriage from day one. He often says to his wife and with others that his bride is his “one.” And they share the same heart. If He break her heart, he also break his own. That is how they know life. He tends to her heart. Perfectly? No, not even close. But to understand intimacy is to passionately lift, uphold, tend, secure, grasp, build, and grasp one’s relationship with their bride. Marriage is less a description, and more a daily activity.
Lastly, and most importantly: Love. If marriage is active, then love is also active. Love is how we together achieve intimacy. Love motivates action, and makes lifting, upholding and all the rest make sense. Rick wrote a poem to his wife once, called “The husband” hoping to describe love in the act of intimacy. He writes,
“A husband takes up his scepter, that is her heart, and presents her above his strength to all created things.”
Therein is the “how”… intimacy. Real Connection. Marriage counseling can get you there.
Purpose of Practice: Get It Right?
Monique & Rick exist as Real Connections Counseling because they understand that real connections are part of their and others’ identity. They know their marriage takes daily work in love so they can come to you strongly bonded.
None of us can always get it “right” and you can’t expect perfection from your mate. No matter what though, you can seek to stand by them and daily practice your relationship in the life of your marriage. “I tried!” you say? Trying is not practice. A practicing couple can only improve their relationship. Love doesn’t require that you always get it right. Love forgives wrong, and encourages the right. And love says, “You’re mine. You’re who I want.”
Remember, practice might not make perfect…but it can, and most likely will, make beautiful. We have that between each other…something imperfect, but beautiful, and we’ll seek that with you. We’ll strive for a real connection between you and your love. Call or write us soon. We believe that you’ll be glad you did.
How Long Does Marriage Counseling Take & What Is The Cost?
We set our prices below many others so that you tend to making your life better without fretting the cost. Normal session fees are $95 for a single therapist, or $125 for Co-Counseling (two therapists in the therapy room – see ‘Our Services‘ for more information on the benefits of Co-Counseling). As far as time needed is concerned, there’s no pat answer for how long marriage counseling lasts. Some couples stay in therapy for years of their lives, while others receive counseling for only a few sessions.
The length of therapy depends on your goals, your marriage’s current health, and how hard you work during – and in-between – the marriage counseling sessions. Sometimes our conversations determine how therapy is going. And finally, we’ll decide together when you are ready to terminate therapy.
Truth is, no matter how long it takes, marriage counseling requires dedication, interest, patience, and practice. Marriage counseling pulls in all the gritty and amazing love stuff, the guts and the glory of living in relationship, and the intensity of love designed to graft one heart with another. The benefits are amazing! The costs are definitely outweighed by the longterm health of your relationship.
Pre-Marital Counseling: What does pre-marriage or pre-marital counseling look like?
This form of counseling is slightly different than couples or marriage counseling. The focus is on how to start your marriage off on a solid and healthy path. You will answer certain questions, such as: “How are we compatible?”, “How will our beliefs potentially affect our marriage?”, “What about family planning?”, “What do I love most about you?”, or “How do we know we’re in love?”
Premarital counseling can be fun and stimulating. When at pre-marital counseling, you’ll enjoy thinking, talking, and laughing through your future life together because your marriage counselors will help you set forth a plan that can ensure a rewarding and fulfilling marriage. Yet while participation in pre-marital counseling can be fun, you’ll also find your tough and rough spots. We guarantee that pre-marital counselors will show you parts of your life that will either tear you or graft you. But your work will help you into the good times, and through the rough times. Rest assured, pre-marital counseling will strengthen you, and strengthen your resolve to be a “together-or-not-at-all” couple.
You’ll maybe find pre-marital counseling to be a little bit scary sometimes as your conversation and relationship move into potentially uncharted waters. And you’ll have conversations you haven’t yet thought of having, but take heart! Questions will challenge you, and activities will test you. But our talks and activities will sometimes be fun and interesting. Our entire time together can and will be integral to your relationship’s survival.
You’ve Got This
Most noteworthy though, we’re positive you’ll find your pre-marital counseling experience a rewarding and defining time in your lives and relationship. Your courage and heart is already evident as you consider making the call to Real Connections Counseling! Hesitation is understandable, but your decision now to attend pre-marital counseling will prevent piles of pain, and alleviate mountains of questions. You’ll be able to affirm your love for each other, and that’s exciting for you, and for us! ‘
You’ve got this.
Call 515-635-1805, or write now using the form to the right of this page. We’re at 3829 71st Street, Suite A in Urbandale, IA (just north of Douglas Ave). See you soon as we head out together in search of real connections.